A worry many families carry
Many parents and caregivers of autistic children carry a quiet question: "What will happen to my child when we are gone?" This worry comes from love, and it is completely natural.
When the worry is always on your mind, though, it can take your attention away from the child in front of you, right now. The answer is not to ignore the future. It is to plan for it, then let the plan carry the worry so that you can return to today.
- Make a plan. Our Planning ahead guide covers letters of intent, guardianship, trusts and more.
- Review it once a year. Pick a date, such as your child's birthday, to update it.
- Then let it rest. When the worry returns, remind yourself: "We have a plan. Today, I can simply be here."
Why the present moment matters
Childhood is happening now
Today's giggles, songs and small wins will not come again in quite the same way. Being present lets you truly enjoy them.
Your calm is shared
Children often sense the mood around them. When you feel calmer, your child may feel safer and more relaxed too.
Memories are made of ordinary days
A happy life is not built from big events alone. It is built from many small, warm moments repeated every day.
Caregivers deserve peace too
In a 2014 study published in Pediatrics, mothers of autistic and disabled children who learned mindfulness or positive psychology skills felt less stress, anxiety and depression.
Simple ways to come back to now
- Take three slow breaths before you respond, especially in a hard moment.
- Use your senses. Name five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch, two you can smell and one you can taste.
- Put the phone away during playtime, even for ten minutes.
- Name the thought. When a worry about the future appears, say to yourself, "That is a future thought," and gently return to what you are doing.
- Do one thing at a time, such as enjoying a cup of tea or chai without rushing.
Make happy memories each day
Just-us time
Spend five minutes a day doing whatever your child loves, with your full attention.
Best part of the day
At bedtime, share one happy moment from the day with words, a picture or a smile.
A photo a day
Capture one joyful moment, and look through the photos together at the end of each week.
Laugh together
Silly faces, funny songs and a game of peekaboo all count. Laughter helps everyone relax.
Looking for more ideas? Try the menu of easy activities in Fun for the family.
Make it your lifestyle, not a once-in-a-while choice. Being present is a habit that grows stronger with practice. Some days will be harder than others, and that is okay. Tomorrow is a fresh start.
If worry or sadness feels heavy most days, please talk with a counselor or your doctor. Caregiver support groups can also help. See our Resources page.